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One year of solitude!

In the beginning of 2016, I took a decision to quit everything, and keep a distance from almost everybody. I decided to question everything and take things slowly. One thing at a time. I was carrying a lot of memories, strong emotions, fears, beliefs all on my shoulders and I became really overwhelmed. 

Being the introvert person I am, that decision did not come as a surprise to anyone in my friends or family circle. However, It probably was to society. It honestly did not matter to me. Eventually, people stopped asking mom why I did not accompany her to certain event or a wedding.

 “She is an introvert” they would whisper as a comment to my complete absence of their occasions.

If I hear that a few years ago, I would feel offended. To be an introvert in Saudi is rather an accusation. The truth is I am an introvert at heart but I am at peace with it now finally.

I quitted my job. I traveled. A lot. I met new people. I made new friends. I changed careers. I skipped family dinners. I skipped relatives and friends weddings. I ate raw fish. I went hiking. I meditated. I learnt how to swim. I overcame my fear of heights. I read Russian stories. I watched Spanish movies. I fell in love. With the new me. 

Okay. I exaggerated. I didn’t fall in love with the new version of myself yet. Not yet. I know I will do so. Eventually. I’m still drowning the old version of me. But there are parts that keep floating into the surface every now and again. They show up just to scare me. But I have grown a thick skin now.

It took me a life time to understand that my life journey is my own. Nobody no matter how wise or supportive, can take away that late-night pain of not trying to do something that you really want to do. The pain of regret is always stronger than that of rejection. Always stronger than that of failure. 

When I started my “social” solitude, I started to be aware that I should not be apologetic for who I am and for my deep core values. The closer you get to who you truly are, the more friends you will drop off your list. You might as well end up alone. That won’t really matter. You will actually enjoy your own company. Your shadow will be your show!

At this stage of life, I got to realize that to allow myself to expand fearlessly, and explore new horizons of myself which I never knew existed, is the real definition of life. Are people out there ready now to receive the new me?

I don’t know.

…………………………………………………………

Thanks for reading my post!

I am Noor Elhayat and I am a Saudi writer. I also teach English online, where I rely on edutainment. Here’s a link to my English learning project on telegram:

https://t.me/active_english_wth_Noor

I like to read, write and dance. 

If you like my post, feel free to let me know. A like, comment or repost go a long way.💚

Keep coming,

Love💚✨

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26 thoughts on “One year of solitude!

      1. By surprise, I meant I didn’t know you had taken a “break”. Which I totally support. Now, “looking”? Most people don’t look for anything, or question anything. You do. (and I support that totally too) Have a good quest. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Excellent ! Well written Noor, especially this part – “my life journey is my own. Nobody no matter how wise or supportive, can take away that late-night pain of not trying to do something that you really want to do. The pain of regret is always stronger than that of rejection. Always stronger than that of failure.”

    This ” New You ” will reach great heights and make difference in all the people’s life you come across, i am sure 🙂 . Wishing you the very best and keep them good posts coming !

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re a beautiful person Noor, both inside and out. I can’t tell you how much I admire your decision to recreate yourself. It sounds like you had many adventures, and in time you’ll find people who appreciate the new you.

    “Nobody no matter how wise or supportive, can take away that late-night pain of not trying to do something that you really want to do. The pain of regret is always stronger than that of rejection. Always stronger than that of failure.”

    The above quote also spoke to me. I’m in the process of trying to put together an incredibly difficult research project, and it’s not going well. I’ve been wondering if I should give up and focus on something easier, but like you said the pain of regret is the worst feeling of all. So I guess I’ll just keep trying.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Awww Josh! Thnx a lot for your kind words!
      Taking a solitude is one of the most relaxing yet scariest decisions I have taken in my whole life.. It’s like suddenly the noise in the background is gone..but then you are left with your own noise..there lies the whole struggle!
      I’m glad to know my post has inspired you to feel better. This is one of my goals of writing! Knowing that has really made my day! ✨🌹

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s a touch road, to be exact it’s tougher because the people that matter most won’t show that support you need, even if you say you don’t want any support. I’m not saying that this is a good thing or a bad thing, I’m saying it out of experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My dear Zuhair,
      When you set the intention to change directions, you’ll always find people in your new path. New people. Enjoy their company. It might be permanent.
      Don’t worry about who might be there. Just focus on you. And leave the rest on the universe.🙏🏽✨

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I absolutely agree with your latest reflections and thoughts. It’s always good to take time off to understand ourselves better and to set boundaries for ourselves and others. I’m also learning the art of being selective with my social circle of friends and the people who I let into my life. All the best in your new chapter and I look forward to reading more of your posts!

    P.S. I’m working on re-branding my blog, so stay tuned for a new concept and inspirational stories about women 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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