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Fifty Shades Darker -the Saudi version!-

*This week’s post belongs to two heroes I salute. Thanks for sharing your story. 

Dear him,

When we first met a year ago, the plan was that we become friends. Just friends. You were married, and I was unofficially engaged. You probably never knew that about me because I never talked about it.

You have been a wonderful friend who will always be there when I need him. A friend who doesn’t mind listening to anything I say at any time. Anything. Without any judgement. We exchange long deep unforgettable conversations. We found out that we have a lot  in common, but the most important thing that we both share is our search for inner peace. Something I lacked in my fiancé who was solely interested in my “goddess body” as he called it.

I knew that he fell for my body. Only. I have always known that I am a whole package with more than just “sexy figure.” His obsession in my shape made me hide my curves from any man I meet. I didn’t want a relationship that revolves merely around my body.

Needless to say, that engagement didn’t work.

At the time, I thought to myself: “if a man is able to go that extra mile to win me over, even though we are “just friends”, then my fiancé can do that too!”

It happened that things didn’t work between you and your wife at that same time too, and there occurred an official separation.

Even though we continued our deep long conversations as before, things started to suddenly take different dimension between us.

I have been going through a battle ever since. With my own stirred emotions trying not to fall for you. It is not because you are not handsome enough, or clever enough. No. You are all that. Chemistry between us is undeniable. But because I continued to feel that you are married even after your divorce. Married to different women from the past and present. Maybe from the past but still remained vaguely around in your present too. Married to a pool of “chicks” who are ready to give you anything you want at anytime you want. Women who are willing to have intimate physical relationship with any man even when there’s no room for money or love involved.

For a moment, I thought you were joking when you said that each one of them is exclusive with you at the time of the whole relationship-not-really-relationship thing. Little do you know about the world of women!

I suddenly found myself in the middle of a game which I don’t belong to. A game in which I won’t compete. It has been a nightmare to have the slightest thought that  you may deep down consider me as just one more chick. Nothing more scares me in our connection. Nothing more than that thought.

I know that you might have thought that I am feelingless at times. You might even have thought that I hate you at times. I don’t. I love you beyond measures. As a human being. And I would never want to change a thing about you. As a friend. But as “more than a friend” it’s really complicated no matter how much we both want it. I know we do. It will remain “complicated” till further notice.


Thanks for reading this article.

My name is Noor and I’m Saudi.

I love to dance, eat potato chips, and collect people’s stories.

I am a writer and an educator who believes in edutainment. Here’s my free channel in telegram dedicated to teaching English to Arab students:


If you have enjoyed this post, check out my other ones as well. They are as cool.😉

Make sure to leave me a comment. I love to talk to you!




10 thoughts on “Fifty Shades Darker -the Saudi version!-

  1. Waw. Thank you for sharing.
    Did you tell him that or are you just telling us?
    If you already know that it’s doomed, then don’t go 😦
    I use this moment to ask for a favor…
    I finally revealed my face, made a song and posted it on my page. I’m trying to get exposure so I’m asking if you can share the song with 5 people, and ask each of them to share it with 5 people etc…
    Thanks in advance for your help:)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hayat, this has literally made me cry.
    I had a similar experience, only no sex or marriage were involved. We were both single.
    We were colleagues, we had so much in common that it scared us both, it scared me particularly but I couldn’t believe that I finally found someone who can understand me, and dedicate all that time of his life just because he enjoys being with me, I never know that such person could exist.
    Needless to say that we loved each other, but it was different kinds of love, I’ve seen him as a friend, a very close friend, but he didn’t want that, he wanted us to be more than that and I couldn’t accept that, for many reasons, I just couldn’t get engaged to anyone, and it’s not because I don’t like him or that I’m hiding something, it’s only because I couldn’t reach that level in my emotional status or my feelings towards anyone.
    And the other difference in my story is that it ended, he promised it’s okay for me not to accept his offer for a relationship, and that I can also take all the time I need to think about it, I didn’t give him an answer but I guess he was wrong, he couldn’t wait, and several days later he gave up, and I did too.
    It’s been a while now, we no longer talk or look at each other, we no longer have that long intellectual conversations everyday, we no longer plan things or invite each other to cool events, and I still can’t tell anyone about it, because no one will believe that we no longer what we used to be.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow! I read your reply at the time you posted it here and didn’t know what to say exactly!
      Sending you lots of love & positive vibes!
      P.S: why not give it a second chance? You might feel different about him this time..
      Feelings are mysterious things..


  3. I believe that every Woman, Girl, man, and boy should watch the Vagina Monologues. Or at least listen to an audio performance. It will sensitize those exposed to its content, female and male.
    Thank you, Noor, for your open and honest story. First off most guys are decent and respectful toward Women. But even those can be insensitive at times toward their gestures and actions and behavior. I will openly admit that I need a refresher course at times.
    Women are built to have sensuality. And should be able to dress any way they like. Without it being an open invitation.
    But we all, men and women, need to define what Principles we choose to live by. In this Life, we are Free to walk any path we want. We can be loose with our sexual behavior. Or as rigid as we like as well. Remember always that our sex powers are God given and should not be treated lightly, or despised. I have learned to live by this code; are my sex conduct selfish or not. Will my conduct be harmful to others? Very simple. I once found my wife in bed with a guy that I thought was a friend. Believe me when I state that I contributed to her seeking intimacy elsewhere, for I took her for granted and was not the husband I promised to be. So I know how it feels to be cheated upon. I will not involve myself with anyone in a committed relationship. I have many married women as friends, and their husbands are a part of that equation.
    When my marriage of 17 years was not working out, I was having contact with a married woman, texting only. I knew though where my intentions wanted to go. Thank God for smiling on me that our getting together never came about. For when my Mother-in-Law asked if there was another woman, I could unreservedly answer no. When my daughter asked me if I had another woman beside her Mom, I again could answer truthfully no. Trust me, every heart on Earth can tell if another heart is telling the Truth.
    When I did finally divorce and found a very special Lady who would become my Lover, it was a most sublime and satisfying unity. We could be intimate on a level that was ethereal because we were both free emotionally to do so.
    So you see, sex is just sex…..but for me, I want more! I want the Love, respect, admiration, trust, that emotional intimacy that follows before the physical. Idealistic? Unrealistic? Probably, but they are my dictates for my sexual behavior. And since I have tasted such a state of being, I’ll not settle for less. I thank my God for helping me live up to those ideals. For I could never have these concepts without some sort of help. Come on, you already know us Guys are weak in that department…lol.
    Beautiful sentiments Noor my Dear beautiful Friend.


    1. Well well well Joe,
      First, thnx for expressing yourself. I’m so glad the post got you connect closer to yourself.
      I like it when my articles hit something inside ppl.
      As for your life journey in marriage, relationships and women..Each has got a story to tell..but life is all about choices..and we’ve got to be humble to admit that sometimes we cat have everything in our own terms..like a man who looks for flings and affairs, cannot have a woman with high value and standards even if they love one another..
      He has to let go of his old self..because no one would tell him to change..not even the woman he loves..
      I have got to believe that yes we do have control over our emotions..I might be wrong..but that’s what makes sense to me at this stage of life!
      Life isn’t complicated..its human beings who make it so sometimes by deviating from their true selves and true desires..
      May you have a wonderful journey,Joe!✨💚


  4. So, I believe that Intimacy doesn’t mean a lifelong commitment. And being friends before sex is a good thing. You have to know if you even like each other. And you MUST define before you take it to an intimate level, what such a bonding will mean to YOU. Physical sexual behavior automatically binds you to that person. It is a natural occurrence. But again, what is it You are looking for? Promises of tomorrow? Exclusivity? Or a beautiful interlude of many days of deep sharing and talking and adventures, which is called foreplay, and an intimate encounter with no expectations afterward? It ONLY gets complicated when we dress our underlying Lust up as true Romance. Then there is nothing more than hurt feelings and confusion, no? This is How JoG4D sees it…and remember ” I may be wrong, but Never in Doubt : )

    Liked by 1 person

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