Warning: I’ve just finished watching (Julia & Julie) and I am still under its side-affect. This whole post is one more hallucination of mine. Don’t take it seriously! At least not all of it! 😝
Side not: I am writing this post again out of short term inspiration. I’m insanely sleepy, all my muscles ache from yesterday’s workout and I am supposed to workout for 30 mins before I go to bed. But here I am writing as a way to just postpone the exercise part. I am having a love/hate relationship with my weights right now!
I have always wanted to marry someone who doesn’t read my blog, simply because I will surely write about him at some point. Not that I will hide my writings from him. No. But I just think that my online stuff show only one part of me to each person and I don’t want him to see me as less than multi-dimensional. While I maybe wonderful to someone, I might come across as pain-to-the-neck to another, or even crazy to a thousand others. But that doesn’t matter. Deep within I look at myself as a good person. Or I try. Believe me I have gone through my share of ups and down in my journey. The journey to love myself.
Self-loathe can be the result of trying to belong to a fake society. I am not specifying Saudi society to be fake- though it actually is lol-. Trust me, each society has its own way to drive you to hate the original you and just fake being someone else. You end up developing a uniquely sad kind of social schizophrenia. The more you know yourself though, the more you think your wishes are achievable.
Just like Jolie who wanted to meet her inspirational master, Julia, I too have always wanted to meet Paulo Coelho. My friends and family know that. My work colleagues know that. My cousins, nephews and nieces know that. The whole universe knows that except of course Paulo Coelho himself. I am a fan of someone who has a million fans all over the world. You might ask:
Why not go to one of his book signing events?
I would say no thank you.
I hate book signing events with passion that when I publish a book I will NOT have any signing events. At all. Readers who are interested to meet me, can meet me over coffee somewhere.
What kind of conversations do writers-readers exchange during such short encounters anyway!
Anyway, the first time I read The Alchemist for Paulo Coelho was in 2012 in the train in my way to an interview for a job which I thought I would be lucky to get. I got the job back then -thanks to the book- but I didn’t like it. And so I gave a mental birth to the concept of “when you want something the whole universe conspires to help you get it” inside me. It has become my motto, therefore, it introduced me along the way to so many interesting “faces” of life.
Even though I do go through dark phases like everyone else, I never question the fact that my wishes are the universe’s demands.
I think I have got everything I ask for that I haven’t been surprised for a long long time. I’ve got everything I want. Everything except a perfect man! Damn did I really say that?!
On that note, I don’t know why almost everybody’s reason for wanting to get married is so they don’t die alone! That’s funny! Everyone eventually will die alone. The real loneliness though is to live with someone and still feel hallow from inside. That’s sad but do you know what’s even tragic?
When you feel lonely and hallow by just being by yourself!
I can’t be friends with someone who wants to be in my company to fill in a void. I enjoy silence and long deep conversations drain my energy. If you can’t be happy on your own then you will never be happy with anyone at all.
As in the case of Jolie, Julia has been her imaginary friend and master, Paulo Coelho has also been my imaginary friend for years and it’s been a dream to meet him. I don’t know what I would tell him if we ever meet and I don’t even know why I want to meet him. I am not a writer. I am a blogger. Can the two generations meet?
I think there are similarities between our two souls and many people saw pieces of me in his female characters. Maybe we have already met in a previous life. Is that an enough reason?
I don’t know. All I know is I am grateful he existed in my life through his words. And even if we don’t meet in real life, I will forever be thankful that his words have literally changed my life.
Thanks for reading this post!
My name is Noor and I’m a Saudi blogger and so many other cool things!
I believe in the power of dance, good food and good books. Try them!😉
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